Let me begin by apologising for not posting in the last 5 months, things have been very busy but I am settling into life at Oak Hill and finally feel like I have something to say.
(I worte this two weeks ago and finally decided to post it)
This week has been a difficult one both for my family and personally. My mum (Gillian) found out last Monday morning that she has cancer. A scan and biopsy revealed a small tumour in her lower bowel which would require an operation.
This was devastating news for the whole family, and even though we all know the statistics and the likelihood of it affecting someone close to you, it doesn’t diminish the shock, numbness and fear you feel when you hear those awful words.
I got the news while still in London and decided that I would travel home for a few days to be with family. I saw mum on Wednesday, two days after she had gotten the news and the magnitude of the road ahead was beginning to hit home (and slowly continues to sink in). Looking at her you could see that she was experiencing the deep seated weariness to which only Jesus can offer rest.
Seeing my mum like that sapped any joy I had in my sovereign Lord... I say that honestly not as someone who has lost hope or who has stopped trusting but as someone who must learn to rejoice in the Lord even as the breakers of sorrow and grief roll over (and that can only be a good thing for the future).
I know it is God who will graciously “restore to me the joy of my salvation” and until then I will cling to the ledge of his great grace... where else can I go?
On the flight back it occurred to me that the strength that has sustained me over the past week is not my own but Christ’s, perfected in my weakness... and surely that is cause for rejoicing.
It will be a long road ahead for all of us as a family, there will be some dark days as we walk through this shadow of death, but the words of Charles Spurgeon have been great comfort to me (thanks Occy).
“Death stands at the side of the highway that we must travel down and the light of heaven casts its shadow over us... [but] the shadow of a dog cannot bite us, the shadow of a sword cannot slay us and the shadow of death cannot overtake us”
Praise the Lord for the light of Christ.
